THERE'S A HOLE IN THE SKYLINE
THERE'S A HOLE IN OUR HEARTS
SOMETHING MISSING THAT CAN NEVER
QUITE BE FILLED
SOMETHING PRECIOUS GONE FROM OUR SIGHT
BUT NOT OUR MINDS
MEMORY WILL KEEP ALIVE
THAT WHICH WE CAN NEVER TOUCH AGAIN
THERE IS A CAVITY
ON THE FACE OF OUR COMMUNITY
CRAFTSMEN AND ARTISANS WILL FILL THAT HOLE
WITH SOMETHING NEW
HOPE FOR OUR FUTURE
THROUGH OUR GRIEF AND LOSS
THE REMINDER WILL ALWAYS BE THERE
THE PAIN WILL ALWAYS BE WITH US
BUT THIS COMMUNITY WILL
SMILE AGAIN
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Something very negative... Wednesday June 28th, 2006
Home
CODE RED
01:59
In Reply to Somebody likes the 'Noose by Oh No It's Stevo!!!!
By: WIDOWMAKER @ 195.50.163.174
Date: 27/Jun/2006 at 3:38:36pm
Subject: Re: Somebody likes the 'Noose
do not post our shit on the internet you fucking prick.
Cue the worlds tiniest violin, please....
Ok, I don't know what your problem is with me nor do I care. I suspect it has a lot to do with some videos you think I owe you from the "Confederacy of Scum Supershow '97" at the Outhouse. If that is the case then I will make it clear what happened.
First of all you call me a fucking prick.
I have been nothing but loyal to you
I have tried to talk to you like a friend
and I have never said anything bad about you to anyone.
For this, I am a "fucking prick."
For some reason you have had some sort of case of the ass about me since we talked about how I owed you the supershow videos from 97.
Let me refresh your memory...
I videotaped several of your shows from that summer.
You never said one word to me about that ever being a problem. In fact, you even ecouraged me and asked me to do it on several occasions.
Before the supershow, you approached me and asked me to do a good job documenting that show by videotaping it with a multi-camera set up. You said you would make it worth my while and asked me how much I wanted for the work. I said $100.00. I was being nice. $100.00 does not even begin to cover the expenses of the tape, the time and the gas and supplies to do that amount of work.
But that's not all.
On the first night of the show, I did the work, though I was not feeling very good at all. Later that night, there was all the PA equipment that no one wanted to tear down and move, then rebuild the next day. It was sitting on the stage of the Outhouse which did not have doors that locked, in the middle of a cornfield in the middle of nowhere.
Justin, who offered to stay that night and babysit the equipment? Who slept that night on that crusty yucky dirty stage in the filthy dirty Outhouse in the heat of the summer in August? Hmmm?
Oh yeah, that's right, fucking prick me.
Do you remember the next day?
You came up to me. You thanked me for staying the night and acting as a security guard. You even offered to give me the $100.00. But, you also said, when I asked, that you owed everybody, and didn't know how you were going to pay for it all. I really was a fucking prick then when I said, don't worry about paying me, pay everybody else first, then when you are caught up you can pay me.
Sounds like something a fucking prick would do to me.
So lets fast forward a year.
In 1998, you came up to me in the Replay, and said, Hey where's my fucking videos? I nicely reminded you about the money, and you said something like, I think I already paid you that didn't I?
Now, at this time, the money isn't really an issue to me. I would gladly give you the videos and even offered to do so later. It really was about the honor. It was about keeping your word. It is about character. Bah, why am I lecturing you about this? You are a grown man. This is stuff you already know. I watched you put on one hell of a show the year before and was happy to be a part of it. It was a historic moment that needed to be captured, and eventually shared. I guess that is ultimately what suckers me into doing these things... the feeling that certain moments should be captured so that at a later date, instead of just talking about what happened, someone can, in some poor fashion put people into that moment.
I guess I am alone in that sentiment...
So, despite everything that I have done to try to help you in your endeavors, if there is really something I have done to offend you, I am truely sorry.
And, as per your request, (actually it was more of a threat than a request) I will remove the videos from the internet that I shot of your performances.
I will not post any more of the videos that I shot of your performances.
AND, to guarantee that they will never be shared again, I will burn the videos that I shot of your performances.
To prove that I have done so, I will post this, as well as video of the act of me burning the videos on YouTube, and will provide the link here on argument machine.
As far as loyalty and friendship goes, I think Bob Cutler has the greates take on that on his MySpace page...
I think many people should read and consider that carefully.
Thanks
Stephen R. Silvestri
http://myspace-094.vo.llnwd.net/00671/49/08/671128094_m.jpg
http://www.myspace.com/bobcutler
CODE RED
01:59
In Reply to Somebody likes the 'Noose by Oh No It's Stevo!!!!
By: WIDOWMAKER @ 195.50.163.174
Date: 27/Jun/2006 at 3:38:36pm
Subject: Re: Somebody likes the 'Noose
do not post our shit on the internet you fucking prick.
Cue the worlds tiniest violin, please....
Ok, I don't know what your problem is with me nor do I care. I suspect it has a lot to do with some videos you think I owe you from the "Confederacy of Scum Supershow '97" at the Outhouse. If that is the case then I will make it clear what happened.
First of all you call me a fucking prick.
I have been nothing but loyal to you
I have tried to talk to you like a friend
and I have never said anything bad about you to anyone.
For this, I am a "fucking prick."
For some reason you have had some sort of case of the ass about me since we talked about how I owed you the supershow videos from 97.
Let me refresh your memory...
I videotaped several of your shows from that summer.
You never said one word to me about that ever being a problem. In fact, you even ecouraged me and asked me to do it on several occasions.
Before the supershow, you approached me and asked me to do a good job documenting that show by videotaping it with a multi-camera set up. You said you would make it worth my while and asked me how much I wanted for the work. I said $100.00. I was being nice. $100.00 does not even begin to cover the expenses of the tape, the time and the gas and supplies to do that amount of work.
But that's not all.
On the first night of the show, I did the work, though I was not feeling very good at all. Later that night, there was all the PA equipment that no one wanted to tear down and move, then rebuild the next day. It was sitting on the stage of the Outhouse which did not have doors that locked, in the middle of a cornfield in the middle of nowhere.
Justin, who offered to stay that night and babysit the equipment? Who slept that night on that crusty yucky dirty stage in the filthy dirty Outhouse in the heat of the summer in August? Hmmm?
Oh yeah, that's right, fucking prick me.
Do you remember the next day?
You came up to me. You thanked me for staying the night and acting as a security guard. You even offered to give me the $100.00. But, you also said, when I asked, that you owed everybody, and didn't know how you were going to pay for it all. I really was a fucking prick then when I said, don't worry about paying me, pay everybody else first, then when you are caught up you can pay me.
Sounds like something a fucking prick would do to me.
So lets fast forward a year.
In 1998, you came up to me in the Replay, and said, Hey where's my fucking videos? I nicely reminded you about the money, and you said something like, I think I already paid you that didn't I?
Now, at this time, the money isn't really an issue to me. I would gladly give you the videos and even offered to do so later. It really was about the honor. It was about keeping your word. It is about character. Bah, why am I lecturing you about this? You are a grown man. This is stuff you already know. I watched you put on one hell of a show the year before and was happy to be a part of it. It was a historic moment that needed to be captured, and eventually shared. I guess that is ultimately what suckers me into doing these things... the feeling that certain moments should be captured so that at a later date, instead of just talking about what happened, someone can, in some poor fashion put people into that moment.
I guess I am alone in that sentiment...
So, despite everything that I have done to try to help you in your endeavors, if there is really something I have done to offend you, I am truely sorry.
And, as per your request, (actually it was more of a threat than a request) I will remove the videos from the internet that I shot of your performances.
I will not post any more of the videos that I shot of your performances.
AND, to guarantee that they will never be shared again, I will burn the videos that I shot of your performances.
To prove that I have done so, I will post this, as well as video of the act of me burning the videos on YouTube, and will provide the link here on argument machine.
As far as loyalty and friendship goes, I think Bob Cutler has the greates take on that on his MySpace page...
I think many people should read and consider that carefully.
Thanks
Stephen R. Silvestri
http://myspace-094.vo.llnwd.net/00671/49/08/671128094_m.jpg
http://www.myspace.com/bobcutler
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Sunday 25 June 2006
Union Station, Java Time
WX: Sunny, warm, 80's
07:42
CODE YELLOW
I'm taking a brief rest between liveshots. I did a talkback live with the head of Union Station about the 1928 Ahearns Fox fire engine that was donated to Union Station by one of the casinos. We will do a talkback live on the shark exhibition in the theatre here.
Phew, whatta rough past coupla days. Last night I shot the roller warrior b-roll for a piece I'm working on on them. Friday afternoon, I interviewed "Princess Anaconda" (Amanda) at her place of work. We tried to use a camera on her as she skated, but it didn't work.
Friday night I went to a going away party for Tom, which turned out to be a going away party for all of the people we lost at the station.
Thursday, Suyen went to a job fair at Research. Then we did some shopping, and had dinner at Tanners.
Wednesday I worked with Steve on a story about a severe beating that took place at a basketball game in Wichita. We interviewed the dad of a teen that was beaten by another teen from another team.
Tuesday I worked with Steve on a story about an unsolved homicide in Bonner Springs, from last November -- the woman who managed the Dollar General who was found beaten to death.
On Monday, 19 June, I worked with Shelly on the Pit Bull ban effort in Independence. It looks like they will go through with it.
21:24
CODE RED
Balerina Mobile Home Country Club Community
Bates City
Puter room
Had a little fun on www.argumentmachine.com
http://www.argumentmachine.com/threads/2006-Jun-25/index.html
Just click on any thread with my name on it.
This mornings lives went ok. We did our talkbacks. They were ok, but it was a little hard to communicate. I shot some vo's, including the negro leagues players signing autographs at Kauffman. All of those guys are just inpirational, almost spiritual to be around, and Buck O'Neil is a very down to earth great guy. They were raising money for the Negro Leagues museum. I then shot the set up for the KC Classic Golf tourney down in OP. I tried to have brunch at Y.J.'s, but for some reason they were taking for ever. I waited about 20 minutes, and got a call from the desk telling me I needed to go to Kauffman. I waited 10 more minutes after that and asked if I could get a to go box. I found that somehow my order wasn't even started, even though I noticed some people who came in after me got theirs. I waited a little longer, until about 10:35, then I had to go. The people there were so busy that I couldn't even tell them that I had to go without my order. Bad thing was, I already paid. I will go back some time and ask if I can get credit. No problem, but man, I think I will avoid brunches from now on.
Today turned out to be a gorgeous day, which is rare for June to be this nice, usually it's hot as hell.
I tried to edit at home on the Roller Warriors. I spent an hour after work dumping the video into my laptop. I brought it home and had problems. It ended up corrupting my files, so I had to scrap it for tonight. Uhg, oh well, I vented my frusterbation on the argument machine. Hee Hee.
WX: Sunny, warm, 80's
07:42
CODE YELLOW
I'm taking a brief rest between liveshots. I did a talkback live with the head of Union Station about the 1928 Ahearns Fox fire engine that was donated to Union Station by one of the casinos. We will do a talkback live on the shark exhibition in the theatre here.
Phew, whatta rough past coupla days. Last night I shot the roller warrior b-roll for a piece I'm working on on them. Friday afternoon, I interviewed "Princess Anaconda" (Amanda) at her place of work. We tried to use a camera on her as she skated, but it didn't work.
Friday night I went to a going away party for Tom, which turned out to be a going away party for all of the people we lost at the station.
Thursday, Suyen went to a job fair at Research. Then we did some shopping, and had dinner at Tanners.
Wednesday I worked with Steve on a story about a severe beating that took place at a basketball game in Wichita. We interviewed the dad of a teen that was beaten by another teen from another team.
Tuesday I worked with Steve on a story about an unsolved homicide in Bonner Springs, from last November -- the woman who managed the Dollar General who was found beaten to death.
On Monday, 19 June, I worked with Shelly on the Pit Bull ban effort in Independence. It looks like they will go through with it.
21:24
CODE RED
Balerina Mobile Home Country Club Community
Bates City
Puter room
Had a little fun on www.argumentmachine.com
http://www.argumentmachine.com/threads/2006-Jun-25/index.html
Just click on any thread with my name on it.
This mornings lives went ok. We did our talkbacks. They were ok, but it was a little hard to communicate. I shot some vo's, including the negro leagues players signing autographs at Kauffman. All of those guys are just inpirational, almost spiritual to be around, and Buck O'Neil is a very down to earth great guy. They were raising money for the Negro Leagues museum. I then shot the set up for the KC Classic Golf tourney down in OP. I tried to have brunch at Y.J.'s, but for some reason they were taking for ever. I waited about 20 minutes, and got a call from the desk telling me I needed to go to Kauffman. I waited 10 more minutes after that and asked if I could get a to go box. I found that somehow my order wasn't even started, even though I noticed some people who came in after me got theirs. I waited a little longer, until about 10:35, then I had to go. The people there were so busy that I couldn't even tell them that I had to go without my order. Bad thing was, I already paid. I will go back some time and ask if I can get credit. No problem, but man, I think I will avoid brunches from now on.
Today turned out to be a gorgeous day, which is rare for June to be this nice, usually it's hot as hell.
I tried to edit at home on the Roller Warriors. I spent an hour after work dumping the video into my laptop. I brought it home and had problems. It ended up corrupting my files, so I had to scrap it for tonight. Uhg, oh well, I vented my frusterbation on the argument machine. Hee Hee.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Monday 19 June 2006
CODE YELLOW
Balerina Modular Home Country Club Community
Bates City, Missouri
13:11
We watched "A Prarie Home Companion" last night. It's an ok movie. I was a little disappointed that they didn't do the Lake Woebegon monologue. Suyen wasn't too impressed with the movie. We came home late last night. WOW, whatta full day yesterday was. I'm still groggy and trying to recover....
Here is something new added to my zorpia account -- it's a slide show. Hope it works... enjoy....
Balerina Modular Home Country Club Community
Bates City, Missouri
13:11
We watched "A Prarie Home Companion" last night. It's an ok movie. I was a little disappointed that they didn't do the Lake Woebegon monologue. Suyen wasn't too impressed with the movie. We came home late last night. WOW, whatta full day yesterday was. I'm still groggy and trying to recover....
Here is something new added to my zorpia account -- it's a slide show. Hope it works... enjoy....
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Sunday 18 June 2006
21:40
Central Perk Coffeehouse
Independence, Missouri
CODE YELLOW
Today was a busy day. I got up for my usual Sunday morning shift. We abbreviated the lives a little so I could get out the door with Bob to go to the Topeka Phelps protest. I worked with Kim on the lives. We did a bicycle ride for diabetes research in the river market, and we did fathers day at the Zoo. I got back to the station and out by 09:45. We dashed out to Topeka, and arrived by 10:50. We first went to the area around the Phelps church. We found the lady whose yard had the show. The band had started and was shooed off by Topekas finest by the time we got there, as was expected. We interviewed the lady, and we interviewed the Phelps spokesperson. We got a little b-roll and then went to where the band and protesters had moved to, which was a bar some blocks down the road. Everyone seemed happy to see us and we got some good sound and video. Then we dashed back to get the story written and edited. I volunteered to stay over to edit it. It aired in the 17:00.
Suyen and I are relaxing and getting ready to see a movie -- A Prarie Home Companion.
Central Perk Coffeehouse
Independence, Missouri
CODE YELLOW
Today was a busy day. I got up for my usual Sunday morning shift. We abbreviated the lives a little so I could get out the door with Bob to go to the Topeka Phelps protest. I worked with Kim on the lives. We did a bicycle ride for diabetes research in the river market, and we did fathers day at the Zoo. I got back to the station and out by 09:45. We dashed out to Topeka, and arrived by 10:50. We first went to the area around the Phelps church. We found the lady whose yard had the show. The band had started and was shooed off by Topekas finest by the time we got there, as was expected. We interviewed the lady, and we interviewed the Phelps spokesperson. We got a little b-roll and then went to where the band and protesters had moved to, which was a bar some blocks down the road. Everyone seemed happy to see us and we got some good sound and video. Then we dashed back to get the story written and edited. I volunteered to stay over to edit it. It aired in the 17:00.
Suyen and I are relaxing and getting ready to see a movie -- A Prarie Home Companion.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Saturday 17 June 2006
CODE RED
Bourgeouis Pig
9th and Massachussetts
Lawrence, Kansas
18:32 -- Just drove over here to meet boB. We actually went to meet boB Thursday, but something happened so unspeakably bad that I still don't want to talk about it. Things are ok now. Tomorrow there will be a big protest in front of the Phelps compound in Topeka. My friend, boB asked me if he could borrow Suyen's little Samsung camcorder. So I'm here to give it to him. However, the thought just crossed my mind that he will be here with a band from Orlando Florida that is going to play in front of the Phelps' compound, so, I'm here with my gear as I am on call, I might as well get some sots and bring them back to the station. Tomorrow may be a historic day.
I worked on Monday with Steve on a story about how teens seem to be comitting more violence. Tuesday I worked with Shelly on a story about a new neighborhood in Lenexa that will bar convicted sex offenders. Wednesday I was with Sherita, we did a story on sex education in Kansas -- how the Kansas School board has decided that Kansas School districts should be teaching abstinence over all.
On Friday, Suyen and I hung out at the house most of the day. I finally edited and uploaded the little Jeepney story I did in the Philippines....
We went to my parents and had a little fathers day celebration which consisted of eating and watching an old movie -- "Boomtown."
Bourgeouis Pig
9th and Massachussetts
Lawrence, Kansas
18:32 -- Just drove over here to meet boB. We actually went to meet boB Thursday, but something happened so unspeakably bad that I still don't want to talk about it. Things are ok now. Tomorrow there will be a big protest in front of the Phelps compound in Topeka. My friend, boB asked me if he could borrow Suyen's little Samsung camcorder. So I'm here to give it to him. However, the thought just crossed my mind that he will be here with a band from Orlando Florida that is going to play in front of the Phelps' compound, so, I'm here with my gear as I am on call, I might as well get some sots and bring them back to the station. Tomorrow may be a historic day.
I worked on Monday with Steve on a story about how teens seem to be comitting more violence. Tuesday I worked with Shelly on a story about a new neighborhood in Lenexa that will bar convicted sex offenders. Wednesday I was with Sherita, we did a story on sex education in Kansas -- how the Kansas School board has decided that Kansas School districts should be teaching abstinence over all.
On Friday, Suyen and I hung out at the house most of the day. I finally edited and uploaded the little Jeepney story I did in the Philippines....
We went to my parents and had a little fathers day celebration which consisted of eating and watching an old movie -- "Boomtown."
Monday, June 12, 2006
Tuesday 13 June 2006
01:11 -- Bates City
Balerina Modular Home Country Club Community
In the puter room
CODE RED
I am very frustrated. I have seen the circle of things and find that I am powerless to break that evil chain of events which always leads to the same dead ends in the Midwestern dead endedness that is the confort of conformity that makes everyone not want to rise up to their potential but rather sink into their confortable warm vat of shit. I speak of the endless debate over the freedom of expression that is and can only take place in an all-ages venue. When music meets the audience for the first time a symbiosis of creativity takes place that can only be found in that moment when the music is fresh and raw and rough and the crowd is eager and appreciative of a place to have as their own. Of course, the city of Kansas is completely against that sort of thing because of safety issues or because of teen violence or because of name your excuse here. Really what it boils down to is fear of youth. So, when artists come together and create and esthetic that is not only liveable but also makes good business sense, soon it is witnessed that all people will want to come to that area and partake of it's goodness, only, why are there so many damn wierdo artists hanging around? So, out go the artist, on their collective rears to seek out places that have not been gentrified beyond their measily meagerness. The city clamps down on freedom of speech and expression for the betterment of all intolerant ignoramouses who cannot find themselves living next to a black person or a poor person or a wierdo. So it goes and goes.
But that is not why I'm really frustrated.
The city has an ally.
I tried today to apply my punk sensitivities and move it forward into the situation that I find myself. I found willing listeners amongst "the man" but I found that those who were supposedly the victims of this assault were busily helping the enemy. I wish I could do something to sound the claxon warning, but I was silenced by those who are unwilling and completely afraid to talk to the media. Hmmm, what to do? Well, I did my best, but I was shot down by the artists themselves. Tomorrow it is not a story, but they wanted to wait -- today is not a good day, the guy who knows something is not here now and I cannot be bothered to tell you how to get ahold of him. Well, you killed a perfectly good story as well as a chance to tell your side. Tomorrow the public will only hear how el Torreon is a violent place where underage kids gather, and you know what, that is the truth. I don't mean that is what actually happened, but because you guys had only 10 seconds to make the right decision and you blew it, that is the truth -- I will testify to that myself. Kansas City's youth are violent and stupid brutes who should not be trusted in any more numbers that one or two, and tomorrow the bands will only be able to play in places that serve alcohol to an over 21 crowd, and soon the art wharehouses will be replaced by half a million dollar or better studio lofts and soon Kansas City will sink back to where it belongs, in the muck of being an retarded little cowtown not known for much of anything other than Harry Truman and bbQ. Oh, yeah, it will also be known for its violent troubled youth.
But that's TMI
Stevo
Balerina Modular Home Country Club Community
In the puter room
CODE RED
I am very frustrated. I have seen the circle of things and find that I am powerless to break that evil chain of events which always leads to the same dead ends in the Midwestern dead endedness that is the confort of conformity that makes everyone not want to rise up to their potential but rather sink into their confortable warm vat of shit. I speak of the endless debate over the freedom of expression that is and can only take place in an all-ages venue. When music meets the audience for the first time a symbiosis of creativity takes place that can only be found in that moment when the music is fresh and raw and rough and the crowd is eager and appreciative of a place to have as their own. Of course, the city of Kansas is completely against that sort of thing because of safety issues or because of teen violence or because of name your excuse here. Really what it boils down to is fear of youth. So, when artists come together and create and esthetic that is not only liveable but also makes good business sense, soon it is witnessed that all people will want to come to that area and partake of it's goodness, only, why are there so many damn wierdo artists hanging around? So, out go the artist, on their collective rears to seek out places that have not been gentrified beyond their measily meagerness. The city clamps down on freedom of speech and expression for the betterment of all intolerant ignoramouses who cannot find themselves living next to a black person or a poor person or a wierdo. So it goes and goes.
But that is not why I'm really frustrated.
The city has an ally.
I tried today to apply my punk sensitivities and move it forward into the situation that I find myself. I found willing listeners amongst "the man" but I found that those who were supposedly the victims of this assault were busily helping the enemy. I wish I could do something to sound the claxon warning, but I was silenced by those who are unwilling and completely afraid to talk to the media. Hmmm, what to do? Well, I did my best, but I was shot down by the artists themselves. Tomorrow it is not a story, but they wanted to wait -- today is not a good day, the guy who knows something is not here now and I cannot be bothered to tell you how to get ahold of him. Well, you killed a perfectly good story as well as a chance to tell your side. Tomorrow the public will only hear how el Torreon is a violent place where underage kids gather, and you know what, that is the truth. I don't mean that is what actually happened, but because you guys had only 10 seconds to make the right decision and you blew it, that is the truth -- I will testify to that myself. Kansas City's youth are violent and stupid brutes who should not be trusted in any more numbers that one or two, and tomorrow the bands will only be able to play in places that serve alcohol to an over 21 crowd, and soon the art wharehouses will be replaced by half a million dollar or better studio lofts and soon Kansas City will sink back to where it belongs, in the muck of being an retarded little cowtown not known for much of anything other than Harry Truman and bbQ. Oh, yeah, it will also be known for its violent troubled youth.
But that's TMI
Stevo
Friday, June 09, 2006
Friday 9 June 2006
02:58 -- CODE BLACK
I found that once I fell in love and got married, my poetry suffered. It is sad to think that poetic flowery words can only flow from despair and sadness, but yet it seems, they do. In my heart of despair I found words to be my only company, and in such company, I found the prose and heart to seek out another from across a long expanse of ocean and bring her home to me. Now, I find I need those words to express what cannot be very well expressed, and I hope those words have not abandoned our friendship. The jilted lovers, the haters of men who crave happiness to fill their hollow hearts have often expressed to my wife that men should buy dying vegitation as an expression of their undying love. I find the whole idea an absured and shallow ritual that does nothing but deprive loved ones of the joy of surprise at having real expressions of love come out at unexpected times. Dying vegitation, no matter how beautiful or well preserved cannot do justice to the day to day existance of sharing a life with another. That is the true expression of love. So as I wandered the streets alone tonight because of a trivial matter, I wished and yearned for the hole in my existence to be filled. I had friends with me, and they felt the same feelings. The joy of the moment and place was gone because the joy is in sharing that moment and place with another. That is precisely why I sought out, pursued and fought for the one that I have. I am not about to spoil that by having a carnal exploitation with some starving soul as a means of affirming my youth. My youth is half gone and I know this and accept my place in life. It is the hardest thing to love someone who does not love themself first. Always jealous, always suspicios and always overly possessive -- never assured that the absence of their loved one means that they are keeping the faith. It is a trait that I hope we can work through and overcome, this destructive jealousy. Jealousy is the devils true name, and in that name much suffering has been endured. It is hard to make yourself realize that jealousy is only selfishness incarnate. It is more than that thought -- it is self-destructiveness about to act, about to devour, it is eating for the sake of occupying ones mouth, and eating only that which is most precious, not for the nutrition but for the sheer destructive satisfaction. Black widows do not eat their mates because of hunger. When out of momentary anger and lapse of reason everything that is loved is destroyed, what do you have left? The black widow.... Vegitation is best left in the garden to be appreciated for its true beauty and purpose, not placed in some urn as in a funerary vase. Perhaps that is why there are many unhappy souls who recommend a urn of death as a symbol of love, because they understand little but jealousy, possesiveness and suspicion and expect a sacrifice to symbolize something that they cannot give themselves. Their reccomendations are a means of making themselves feel a shallow fulfillment by making all around them as unhappy as they are. This misery loves company crowd cannot, will not and do not love themselves, and thus should not be trusted as friends. I have said this many times, and dying vegitation cannot make up for a dying romance.
But that's TMI
Stevo
I found that once I fell in love and got married, my poetry suffered. It is sad to think that poetic flowery words can only flow from despair and sadness, but yet it seems, they do. In my heart of despair I found words to be my only company, and in such company, I found the prose and heart to seek out another from across a long expanse of ocean and bring her home to me. Now, I find I need those words to express what cannot be very well expressed, and I hope those words have not abandoned our friendship. The jilted lovers, the haters of men who crave happiness to fill their hollow hearts have often expressed to my wife that men should buy dying vegitation as an expression of their undying love. I find the whole idea an absured and shallow ritual that does nothing but deprive loved ones of the joy of surprise at having real expressions of love come out at unexpected times. Dying vegitation, no matter how beautiful or well preserved cannot do justice to the day to day existance of sharing a life with another. That is the true expression of love. So as I wandered the streets alone tonight because of a trivial matter, I wished and yearned for the hole in my existence to be filled. I had friends with me, and they felt the same feelings. The joy of the moment and place was gone because the joy is in sharing that moment and place with another. That is precisely why I sought out, pursued and fought for the one that I have. I am not about to spoil that by having a carnal exploitation with some starving soul as a means of affirming my youth. My youth is half gone and I know this and accept my place in life. It is the hardest thing to love someone who does not love themself first. Always jealous, always suspicios and always overly possessive -- never assured that the absence of their loved one means that they are keeping the faith. It is a trait that I hope we can work through and overcome, this destructive jealousy. Jealousy is the devils true name, and in that name much suffering has been endured. It is hard to make yourself realize that jealousy is only selfishness incarnate. It is more than that thought -- it is self-destructiveness about to act, about to devour, it is eating for the sake of occupying ones mouth, and eating only that which is most precious, not for the nutrition but for the sheer destructive satisfaction. Black widows do not eat their mates because of hunger. When out of momentary anger and lapse of reason everything that is loved is destroyed, what do you have left? The black widow.... Vegitation is best left in the garden to be appreciated for its true beauty and purpose, not placed in some urn as in a funerary vase. Perhaps that is why there are many unhappy souls who recommend a urn of death as a symbol of love, because they understand little but jealousy, possesiveness and suspicion and expect a sacrifice to symbolize something that they cannot give themselves. Their reccomendations are a means of making themselves feel a shallow fulfillment by making all around them as unhappy as they are. This misery loves company crowd cannot, will not and do not love themselves, and thus should not be trusted as friends. I have said this many times, and dying vegitation cannot make up for a dying romance.
But that's TMI
Stevo
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Thursday 8 June 2006
01:13-- Home now. I had a rewarding day. I was put on vo patrol, but instead of sitting around the shop waiting for an assignment, I asked if I could go shoot the efforts to find 79 year old John Beaven, who has been missing for about a week. I met his nephews at 99th and Holmes, and went along as they searched the wooded area along the trail. I was hoping to make a anchor or nats package out of it today, but due to the Myrna Dick shoot, I ran out of time. At 18:00 I went to the Myrna Dick presser. She is being deported on Friday. I got enough of the presser to make a package out of that. CNN is interested in the footage too. So when I got back, I edited the Myrna Dick package for the 10 and a vo/sot for the 9. We put on a vo/sot on the missing man in the 10. I wish we could do more.
Wednesday 7 June 2006
13:08 -- Suyen and I took Tima on another walk about our trailer park....
I uploaded another timelapse video from yesterday. I worked with Lori on a story previewing todays demolition of the collapsed bridge in the Grandview triangle. I got regular speed video included in the timelapse of us driving through the triangle....
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It is quite hot today, already in the 80's by 9 A.M. I'm wearing a hat today, as I did yesterday.
I uploaded another timelapse video from yesterday. I worked with Lori on a story previewing todays demolition of the collapsed bridge in the Grandview triangle. I got regular speed video included in the timelapse of us driving through the triangle....
.. width="425" height="350">..>
It is quite hot today, already in the 80's by 9 A.M. I'm wearing a hat today, as I did yesterday.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
6-6-06
12:19 -- Home in Bates City in the puter room. I'm squeezing a video I shot all day yesterday. I put my camera on interval timer recording and shot my whole day at work. I sped it up in editing so it won't go on for 9 minutes. I caught a little of Sunday afternoon going home too on it. That is the first part of the video if it uploads right.
I met boB and Andy at Y.J.'s Sunday to give boB the Samsung to take with him to the big Love in Action protest in Memphis. Gay rights issues are heating up again as our president and the right wing of the Republicans are trying to use it as a wedge issue in the runup to elections, again.
Monday morning, Suyen and I took Tima for a walk in the trailer park. Afterward we went to Pizza House and had brunch. We said hi to our next door neighbor who works there as a manager.
I worked with Steve Monday on a humorous story about babies being born on 6-6-06. We went to Liberty Hospital and talked to a pediatrician/gynocologist. We also got lucky and talked to a couple who are choosing to have their baby on 6-6-06.
A severe thunderstorm blew in from the north Monday evening about 20:00.
Added 6-7-06/13:04 -- Here is a pic of that T-storm that I took with my phone....
Even though it was a ways away, we could see lightning coming out of this storm pretty well. We did our 9 live, but at dusk we could see the lightning, which according to our safety manual means it is a no go for lives.
Besides being 6-6-06, today is the 72nd anniversary of D-Day.
I met boB and Andy at Y.J.'s Sunday to give boB the Samsung to take with him to the big Love in Action protest in Memphis. Gay rights issues are heating up again as our president and the right wing of the Republicans are trying to use it as a wedge issue in the runup to elections, again.
Monday morning, Suyen and I took Tima for a walk in the trailer park. Afterward we went to Pizza House and had brunch. We said hi to our next door neighbor who works there as a manager.
I worked with Steve Monday on a humorous story about babies being born on 6-6-06. We went to Liberty Hospital and talked to a pediatrician/gynocologist. We also got lucky and talked to a couple who are choosing to have their baby on 6-6-06.
A severe thunderstorm blew in from the north Monday evening about 20:00.
Added 6-7-06/13:04 -- Here is a pic of that T-storm that I took with my phone....
Even though it was a ways away, we could see lightning coming out of this storm pretty well. We did our 9 live, but at dusk we could see the lightning, which according to our safety manual means it is a no go for lives.
Besides being 6-6-06, today is the 72nd anniversary of D-Day.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Saturday 3 June 2006
02:01 -- I am uploading to YouTube my experience tonight at the Crossroads in Kansas City. It was first friday. Debbie and I went out, we left Suyen, Megan and Matthew at Debbies house.
Kansas City Crossroads Arts District, Friday Night
Wednesday the 31st, I worked with Shelli. The city of Independence is thinking of breed specific legislation for dogs -- namely Pitbulls. After a vicious attack of 3 people by starved pitbulls where the pitbulls literally started eating their victims, the people of Independence started calling for special measures. Many pitbull owners showed up to this meeting and voiced their opposition stating that it not the dogs, but the owners that are the problem. We met the sister of one of the victims, who had some graphic and touching photos and stories of her brother, who is still in the hospital.
Thursday I worked, filling in for people who are gone. I was with Monica. We went to Atchison on a story about some kids who got into a fight with Worlds of Fun security. Worlds of Fun contends they were shoplifting and resisting arrest. The kids claim that the security which was undercover never identified themselves, and they thought the guards were actually other teens who were trying to beat them up. We also talked to the Worlds of Fun media director on camera. Bob helped us by editing our package as we came in quite late, and we had to rush to a liveshot at Worlds of Fun. Suyen spent the day at Childrens Mercy Hospital.
Today Suyen and I got rested, a little. We went to where I work so we could mail something. Then we ate at Taquiria Mexico. Debbie called, and we agreed to meet at her house to go to First Friday. Debbie had a rough day at work as one of her colleagues was killed in a horrible auto accident in Kingdom City on the east side of Missouri.
Kansas City Crossroads Arts District, Friday Night
Wednesday the 31st, I worked with Shelli. The city of Independence is thinking of breed specific legislation for dogs -- namely Pitbulls. After a vicious attack of 3 people by starved pitbulls where the pitbulls literally started eating their victims, the people of Independence started calling for special measures. Many pitbull owners showed up to this meeting and voiced their opposition stating that it not the dogs, but the owners that are the problem. We met the sister of one of the victims, who had some graphic and touching photos and stories of her brother, who is still in the hospital.
Thursday I worked, filling in for people who are gone. I was with Monica. We went to Atchison on a story about some kids who got into a fight with Worlds of Fun security. Worlds of Fun contends they were shoplifting and resisting arrest. The kids claim that the security which was undercover never identified themselves, and they thought the guards were actually other teens who were trying to beat them up. We also talked to the Worlds of Fun media director on camera. Bob helped us by editing our package as we came in quite late, and we had to rush to a liveshot at Worlds of Fun. Suyen spent the day at Childrens Mercy Hospital.
Today Suyen and I got rested, a little. We went to where I work so we could mail something. Then we ate at Taquiria Mexico. Debbie called, and we agreed to meet at her house to go to First Friday. Debbie had a rough day at work as one of her colleagues was killed in a horrible auto accident in Kingdom City on the east side of Missouri.